:::some wishes do get granted:::

ain't been sober since it's been over

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 04:09:01 GMT

So. I've found myself speaking the language of life very fluent these days. Only to myself though.
I've been lazy and unmotivated.
Now i'm pissed off cause I feel useless so I gotta do something about it.

I miss Brandy and her phone doesn't work at her new place. GAY.

I also miss the times when people were real. Even if they weren't real, they were at least funner and better people. Ha. I don't wanna delve into that feeling quite yet. So let's just let it pass.

Can't wait to move to Riverclub. I'm gonna be homeless for a few days though. Got somewhere for me to crash? That'd be great.

I need money. I need something to fill my time. I need to get my schedule straight. I need to get a planner.

I want a hug. From douglas.

I want to talk to old friends and let them know I still care about them. Give them hugs.

I think i'll go talk to bLyss now.

I'm gonna use my old school icon before I erase it for the last time now. Awesome times.

But i'm glad for the now too :o)

~there's a faith you're saving for a rainy day... that can ease my pain~

oh the severity

Tue, 30 May 2006 17:46:29 GMT

So- I currently have put in my 2 weeks at DialAmerica. Thank God for not working there but no thanks for not having a job. I guess it wasn't really a good decision, but I can't take it any more. They really aren't good with people at all. Well, with employees... the employees are good. If that made any kind of sense.

I think I finally will have my school schedule figured out... as soon as I find a job, I will have time to sit down and work it all out. My advisor told me to take nothing but electives... I was like "uh, hell yeah i will"

I've been in Athens for like 2 weeks by myself. Alyssa went to Vegas and Cali, I think, and I haven't heard from her. Clair and Ariel have been in China and I just saw Clair today! :o) I have spent most of the time with Douglas, which by the way, I met the rest of his family the other day.. yeah, they love me :o)

Bad thing is, he'll be gone for the next 2 weeks doing some kind of painting on a house in Villa Rica, and then when he finally does get back, he'll be moving to Cartersville to start his new job. I think he has to come back in the Spring to take one class... but I don't really know how that makes sense.

So, today I am of course procrastinating. I have this unbelieveable sense that everything will be okay regardless. I guess you could say it's a false sense of security, but that's how I roll. I probably shouldn't be so carefree... which, judging by how stressed out I am, i'm not carefree at all... but again, i somehow don't see how anything could seriously turn out THAT bad for me. HA.

I need to get reconnected with some people.... I miss my friends and i'm such a beiotch for dissappearing like I have.

I think I'll do something now.

*bartender he don't mind.. he sets em up the same.*

Wow...

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 05:50:46 GMT

It's been a while since i've written in here.. and it seems like my life is COMPLETELY different then it was then. And the last time I wrote was only SEPT '05.

I don't feel like writing all of my events right now, but I shall do little spurts every now and then.

Went home this weekend.. well friday night and Sat. morning.. realized how strong of a person my mom is, how nice of a person my grand-daddy is, how much my family in general loves me. How lucky I am to still have Aimee by my side.

My daddy called me today.. it was sad cause he said.. "I just read your card you gave me for Christmas for like the millionth time and wanted you to know I LOVE YOU" I miss him. :o( good thing he'll be home sometime this month.

Ya know what I was thinking just now... God/ fate/ destiny/ whatever you think of as the all-controlling power of humans has really done me right. I don't deserve all the good things I have and it's just crazy to look at how lucky I am. Tonight, driving back to Athens, I thought and analyzed situations/ things happening in my life right now that I just think are horrid and unfair and it pisses me off that I am sooo selfish. Nobody wants to analyze themselves and say "yeah, I act like I'm the only person in the world who matters" but sometimes I do. It really upsets me that I sometimes just can't take it in stride. I get mad or upset when things don't go my way, when I don't get what I want, when I can't just GO~

I am sooo worried about the future. I know that it's so close.. but so far. I have all the time in the world.. but really not a lot at all. I need to get out of that mindframe and start worrying about now. I can't do anything about what will happen then.. I should worry about my steps.. cause that's what will really matter in the long run.

I can't really think right now.. I have like a million thoughts going through my head and trying to spill them out on this canvas is making me sound derranged and senseless..

I'm gonna clean my room.. maybe that will help me feel like there's a little more order in my life... cause no matter how bad it gets.. it could always be more chaotic.

~The only reason I miss him.. is cause I lived with him and his shit for so long~
TO ME^^^ IS POWERFUL

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 02:32:59 GMT

Here were the rules… do this:
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

Ashley Mays
a girl who loves you

Katie’s reply was:
1. i used to be afraid of you.
2. oxycotton :)
3. definitely cherry.
4. "ride that train" (haha cheerleading signs.. )
5. that time at tara's house where we all bonded :) and candy didn't share lol
6. possum
7. where'd you get your big ass from? :) haha!

Here's what I have to say for KT:
1) I've always admired how smart you really are
2) Kilo of course, because we'd always get freaky and dance to it b4 competetions
3) Something Red definately.
4) That look you gave me to ensure that we would make Tara cry at that football game (and we did)
5) Definately from that night at Tara's
6) Donkey
7) How come you can get away with that "go to hell" look when people are annoying you? People always catch me.
Oh yeah, and why couldnt you have been born a few years older?
<333

it's great to be a Georgia Bulldawg!!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 22:49:41 GMT

Well, first week of school was yet another stressful one. Seems like everything went wrong again all at once. I got really sick, got a parking ticket, still owe UGA $1000. What to do with myself.

The upside is I love my room mates. 2 of them (clair and ariel) are in the redcoats.. me and alyssa (the other room mate) decided to go to a trombone party with them. Turns out.. they party HARD. Not even kiddin. I ended up having a wonderful time except when this psycho guy threw my trophy I won playin *shotgun* against the wall and broke the little man off. Thought I was gonna kill him. Then the cops came and we were like "ta ta bandmates" and dipped out. it was great.

I also got a job.. excites me very much cause I need money. It's a telemarketing job which turns most people off when I say that, but I won't be calling people. I just take calls and try to sell things that way. Hey, it's $8 an hour plus incentives and bonuses and benefits and stuff... so, i'm happy.

Oh yeah, they told me I wouldn't be able to get my football tickets because I had a flag on my records... well, I went and got them anyway. So take that, bitches. I can't wait for football season. It is always the greatest.

Show me love.. i gotta go

the end will justify the pain it took to get us there....

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 02:14:07 GMT

I love these 2 songs by Relient K:

When I go Down
and
Let it All Out

Download them... love them... cry to them... whatever it takes. I absolutely love these 2 songs.

Anyhow, I've been workin my ass off. Which is good cause I need money but bad cause then I have it and wanna spend it.

I've hung out with Aims and Kauri for the past 2 days. :o) I'm glad. I <3 them. Even though there has been the shit... it happens

Me and cason aren't together. He said he hasn't been happy. I guess you can only play savior for so long ash. But I don't need a relationship that only I want either. I guess you could say he did me a favor.

Doesn't mean it sucks any less. Doesn't mean I love him any less. But it does mean I am one step closer to really being happy myself. I don't need to be stuck like that. I don't need lies. I don't need what I've let myself be around in my life. I don't need a relationship that requires me to "give a little time" or let the other person "figure out what they want' or let them "deal with issues my weak mind can't comprehend".

That's not a relationship at all. I guess I shoulda figured that out the first 2 months. Stupid girl. I KNOW it after a year and I'm still kinda holding on.

Time to move on. Time to be okay... Time to be HAPPY. I'm tired of crying almost every week. I'm tired of arguing because I'm pissed because you hurt my feelings and don't care.

You can blame it on me if you want to. I didn't make you happy enough... i bitched too much. What ever you want to place the blame on me for is fine because ya know what.. you're right. It is ALL MY FAULT. It's all my fault for HOLDING ON. For thinking you might care like I do... for thinking the problems will pass. For thinking you would need me.

You are RIGHT i am WRONG. That's all you've ever wanted me to say. I can't ever admit when i'm wrong... but there you go. I'm wrong. and I'm sorry.

I've never known defeat... congratulations... you've taught me.

sleepy time

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 04:04:15 GMT

1. PICK ONE OF YOUR SCARS OUT, NOW HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I have 3 scars on the inside of my right leg by my knee. I was little... birds hate me, so i was runnin from some ducks... backward by the way, turn around BAM huuuge rose bush. Fell right in. Probably shoulda went to get stitches, but my mom just assumed she was a doctor.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR BEDROOM?
pictures... not really much since I moved

3. WHAT WAS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE?
hmm... too long to type out

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO:
I'm a music snob and I consider what I listen to to be the best. But I can appreciate almost any kind. HA.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Never really occured to me to make that an issue.

6. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?
well.. i do weird things all the time.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES?
the good ole days when nothing mattered... and i let nothing bother me

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON SOMEONE (OPPOSITE SEX)?
hmm... maybe i should check next time. I think it's like a list... ha

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Abercrombie 8 and Fierce.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
nah.. unless someone i cant stand is like gettin up on me

11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW?
sarah said it best...
I would be disappointed in myself. I don't think I've left any kind of legacy, or lived a life that other people will remember me for..

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Cason

13. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
Brian Tice

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
depends on what their heads look like

15.WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
in the city, on top of a tall building at night time with a candlelit dinner at hand
or after a scavenger hunt to find all the roses ending up at the beach with him there waitin (saw it on a movie)

16. MAKE UP A QUESTION:
Why would anyone want to be addicted to anything?

17. WHAT ARE FIVE OF YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES?
* Million Dollar Baby
* Four Feathers
* Almost Famous
* Fight Club
* Disney MOVIES

18. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF GOING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON?
somewhere far away... maybe an island.

19. CAN YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?
I used to be able to play piano.. and i'm learnin guitar :o)

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Used to be able to speak/understand German.. but my mom made fun of me one day when i was little and i vowed to never do it again.. and i havent been able to since. DAMMM you mom
a little spanish.. i guess the basics

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX ?)
Brad bought me EVERYTHING

22. WHO IS/ARE YOUR FAVORITE SINGER(S)?
i like alot

23. FAVORITE BAND(s)?
Maroon 5, INCUBUS, TOOL.. hmmm.

24. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
anything that can make me wanna stay up all night and read

25. FAVORITE PERFUME?
Abercrombie 8, Lucky You

26. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE?
Iced turtle... 2 sugars one cream

27. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PHRASE TO USE?
"I dont give a HELL"

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
probably wouldnt try to... depends on if I can control it or not

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
By really meaning it. and not letting your actions contradict what you say.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
76

31. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?:
blonde and brunettes

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Papa

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Stupid girls, needy people, rude people... people that are too sensitive

34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
in like middle school, we would call people and talk in a retarded voice and say "i lost my weiner.. have you seen it?" and we'd call this one old lady who would threaten to call the cops

35. WHO IS YOUR CURRENT CRUSH?
no body

36: WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR:
Dying alone, not being successful

37: SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN/TALKED TO IN AWHILE:
Mike.. I can't wait to come back to Athens and drink all your wine and pass out on the floor of your new house :o)

38: HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND NOT MEAN IT:
uh huh

39: WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS SURVEY:
talkin to joshua, sendin brandy a text

40: ANY LAST WORDS?
mother fuck all the bullshit

repetitive mishaps, stupid mistakes

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 13:02:29 GMT

some things are hard to understand...
im scared of the future...
im scared that u'll forget how important i was to you...
im scared that when something happens you wont call me...
im scared taht when i need you, you won't be there...
im scared that you will forget about me...
im scared that i wont forget at all...
im scared that things will be okay,
and i will look back and wonder why i was scared at all...

That was one of my away messages and it fit the moment.

How can one person who supposedly loves you sooo much make you so sad all of the time. Why would you want to do that to someone you care about?? I know I am by far the least perfect, but I don't need time every other week to "find myself".

Sad part is... he's right. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be treated like this and he doesn't deserve the benefit of me making it okay everytime.

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

im sad.

oh, and I hate drugs. yeah, HATE em. Especially the ones that make you not have a concience and not care about anyone but yourself.

~if I needed you, would you come to me.. would you swim the seas, for to ease my pain~

G-D word

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 04:02:29 GMT

how come I keep on coming to the breaking point.. and somehow find the strength to still hang on. I mean, come on ash... after a while, you're just being stupid. Strong people LET GO.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired. That's all I have to say about that.

I need something to do this weekend. I need some "girls time" seriously... but I just figured out.. I don't have any girl friends. Well, I do... but none of em ever wanna hang out. GAY.

I can't believe I bought a belt at Hollister for 31 dollars. CRAZY. But I really wanted it.

I really wish I had a membership for longer than a week to Gold's or I could change it to next week or something. I am just not gonna be able to find the time to take advantage of my "temporary membership"

i need sleep... i have another double tomorrow.

I wanna go to the NIN concert. Too bad i'm poor :o(

~sing for the laughter, sing for the tears~

Hey mom... why don't you find something to bitch about...

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 04:10:21 GMT

grr.. my mother drives me absolutely insane. She seems to find something to bitch about at every little moment I have ever been able to recall since I was little.

My little sister is growing up to be quite the smartassed little bia too. I mean smartassed is okay... but dammit. I think I am gonna punch her right now cause she's kinda pissing me off. >:o|

well.. it's been $100 days for me at Mellow Mushroom. I've been pulling some quite impressive nights. Especially to not be as busy as i would like and to only work like 4 hours. calculate that... hmm... bout $20 something dollars an hour. :o)

all for nothing it seems. Everytime I get any kind of cash.. it's gone.

Gotta run some errands tomorrow. Someone entered me into some drawing at Carmike Cinemas and I won a $150 gift certificate to Gold's Gym. I'm supposed to go and "figure something out" at 3 tomorrow. They will probably con me into getting a membership that I don't need because I will be out of town for the year. But I told Phillip that. I said "I'm not gonna be here for the year" Didn't seem to mind though. I guess whatever's good for business.

Cason's queer. Ha. I talked to him at about 9 something and he said he was on his way here.. hmm.. it's 12 something now. not even a call. he should be shot.

i take that back. I should be shot.

~please say, honestly, you won't give up on me... and I shall believe~

I do it to myself

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 06:51:11 GMT

and i hate it...
im sad
i miss my boyfriend
i wish he would really make up his mind on who he wants to be

im swimming like a rock... and it isn't shallow water

love is an addiction. I wish it were some made up thing from kindergarten. But unfortunately for me and those who choose to pour out their heart, soul and everything out to someone...

it can really blow.

i saw sarah today. it made me happy and i got free stuff from Panera. woot.

The rest of the day, I hyperventalated, almost threw up, cried my eyes out and looked in the eyes of someone telling me "i love you, i just dont think we are meant to be together" oh yeah... the infamous "it's not that I don't want to be with you... i just need time to be sure." hmm.. 7th time on that.

Then it was "I'll meet you there" (riverwalk) and turned out to be... "my phone just happened to be turned off"

ouch. im sad.

After all these years...

Sat, 02 Jul 2005 05:31:43 GMT

forget about the troubled times.

So- things are looking up a bit. I've decided to completely let myself go. Not like... i've been married for 20 years and have "let myself go" by becoming disgustingly fat... but "It's the fucking summertime and I don't have time to waste on not acting like it"

I am stressed out about my money situation... but what 19 year old college student isn't?

I've decided to completely forget about all the wrongs and make new memories. Time for new friends, and have new experiences. I need to call Kayce and see what she is up to. I haven't talked to her in a couple of days... Cason basically tries to tell me who I can hang out with or what I can do. EXAMPLE: "you can't hang out with them because they are single and they will get you to do stupid stuff that girls do when they are alone together"

Hmmm... typical stupidity coming from a mouth that has no clue on what he is talking about. I was just like "yo dumbass... you do more idiotic things with your gayguy friends then I would ever think of doing" I love him.

:o)

I need to get out more. Seriously.

I didn't have to work today and I was all about going and hanging out and stuff and Cason decides it's a good idea to just sit here and "get to know my family" It's a good idea, yeah... but you wanna go and play with your friends every weekend and a Friday I have off and want to, you don't wanna.

I think I'm gonna go listen to some TOOL and go to sleep. I have to work tomorrow. And I have to close that bitch down.

I love TOOL. I love Maynard. I love it when it does not rain all day. I love popcicles and Peach Nehi. I love you. and you know it.

I love friends. But I would love them most if they would stop being shady. ;o| hehe.

Sorry.. i've been in a weird funk for a couple of days. Not like a "i'm a pissed off bitch" kinda funk... but a "i'm in deep thought and a little weirded out" funk.

Scream if you got that. Thanks. :o)

~She lies and says she's in love with him.. can't find a better man~

What a day it's gonna be....

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 13:18:43 GMT

Well, things are going pretty good lately. The last time I wrote was basically the night I flipped out and was like "I HATE EVERYONE" Things are now better than that and I have decided to move on to more important issue of life. I'm beginning to find friends in weird places. Well, that's usually how it happens with me... but this time I am deciding to keep them all. I am very determined to have a wonderful summer despite all the things that have gone wrong at the very beginning.

I also am gonna kick it into gear. I am sooo broke right now that it is not funny. You know when the last time I went shopping to buy myself something was? Yeah, me either. Seeing as how i've spent almost $1,000 in one month to pay for stuff. aka... ticket, money to not live @ school for the summer, fixing my truck. AND come to find out I need $1,200 to get a USED transmission for my truck. WTF. Just get rid of it kid. I also gotta figure out how I'm paying for school next semester. No 19 year old should be in this much debt already. :o(

So, this morning, I'm startled from my slumber by my daddy's alarm clock. It is the most annoying sound in the world by the way... but it seems to wake ONLY me up and I DONT EVEN NEED TO BE AWAKE YET. That was 7AM. I laid there till 8 and figured.. "might as well get up"

I don't have to be at work till 11:30. I AM SO VERY EXCITED though... because today, I shall be laying out/ riding jet skiis with Kayce and Caroline. Maybe we should take a FLA vacation. If I can save up the money. Anybody that wants to go to FLA with me... let me know (call me) :o)

I'm in a good mood. Don't be a buzzkill. hahahaha....

OH, and I cannot wait to go BACK TO ATHENS. I know now that people will come visit me all the time... and we can actually do stuff, not just sit there and look at each other/ the walls because we don't have permission. :-O

<333 be mine, and not just for Valentine's Day :-D you would have had to have been there. HA

~Come now, oh my star is fading... and I swim, out of control~

I think shit's fallin from the sky...

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 06:48:29 GMT

Oh god has a lot happened.

I don't have a bestfriend. Well, joshua said he'd be my new one. AND tonight I don't have a boyfriend. Knowin me, I'll be a dumbass and be back with him by tomorrow.. but WTF.

I love him. I know that's gay. But i do.

That's no reason to get treated like shit. But I endure.

I think something might be wrong with me. I guess if I stayed effed up on SOMETHING/ANYTHING all the time.. then I wouldnt really give a hell either.

I'm gonna have to tell stories later.. right now im tired.

KT + Sarah + Joshua= makes me smile inside even when it doesn't radiate out.

I'm probably gonna go see casey tomorrow to make sure she's better and then go see kt at work. :o)

i absolutely love this song and joshua just reminded me on his away message... i've jammed to this song many a days
~she opens her heart to an old memory. she closes her eyes and she smiles. just ask her if she ever still thinks about meee.. she'll say "every once in a while"~

It's been a while...

Thu, 26 May 2005 17:57:36 GMT

but everything is as wonderful as it can get i'm guessing.

I'm sooo excited that it is summer, although I miss the people I saw EVERYDAY in Athens.

I haven't really done anything thus far. I went to FLA the other week and DIDN'T even GO TO THE BEACH. Dissappointing I know. I cried.

I can't wait to see all the people I've been missing though... this summer is going to be the best ever.. i'm hoping. My family went to FLA for a week and a half and I didn't get to go because I have to WORK. BUT... that doesn't mean there isn't time before/ after work to do what the hell i wanna do. :o)

So, I was driving back home today and "Sunday in the South" came on a cd that I made for my daddy a while ago... and I was just like "OMG, I MISS JOSHUA!" :o\ Haven't talked to him really since he said I was dumb and blind and he didn't wanna talk to me. Still doesn't make me not miss him. Oh yeah, I did invite him to go to lunch with me and Aims the other day. Of course, he didn't accept.

Umm.. I'd just like to say that I cannot stand fake people. Little poser boy. sad sad thing. Cason gets pissed off at me everytime I'm like "i cant stand him". He's all like "don't say that.. you cant not like him blah blah."

Hmm.. okay... he was all giving me advice on how horrible something is for somebody and like a little hippocrite... he's doing it too. I just hope other people aren't being dragged down too.

People would be so much better if they didn't do drugs. And that's really all I have to say about that.

Anyhow. I'm home for the summer... so all of my friends that I love so very much should call me so we can be cool together. :o)

~should I offer up my eyes, and make believe you will change... but it's easier to not stay... to not stayyyyy~

Thu, 26 May 2005 17:47:09 GMT

Aims did it.. so i HAD to

Thu, 05 May 2005 22:52:08 GMT

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Username
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Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
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Quiz created with MemeGen!

INCREDIBLE!!

Mon, 02 May 2005 04:58:58 GMT

Joshua drives me absolutely insane. I would love to shoot myself in the face with a pellet gun 48 times right now. I <3 him. Sad, but true.

UGHHH!! Call me blind. Ha.. look at you.

I think this time around will be better. wishful thinking never killed anyone.

~I don't know what's wrong baby, and I sure don't know what's right but I, I don't wanna go home... tonight~

Love is hard to let go of...

Sun, 01 May 2005 01:39:23 GMT

I had an awesome night last night. It was very well needed. I was originally out with Sarah, but William, Matt, Dustin, Adam, Natalie (my new fave. person) and some other girl came up there and we all had such a good time just dancing around acting like fools.

Turns out, I can't not be with Cason. It sucks when he is acting like that to me because i'm the one he usually doesn't act stupid toward. We'll both get over it. He loves me, and I know it.

He was supposed to come up here yesterday and I was all excited but Scott was going to ride here with him and of course STUPID INSECURE little girls. (becky) gets all pissed off and remarks "i guess i'll just have to tell kevin ashley's playing him."

OKAY
1) I completely understand that some people are stupid and don't trust their boyfriend-talkee-whatever
2) people shouldn't talk about what they don't know about
3) that girl is ridiculous for hurting someone's feelings (cason) just to keep scott from coming with him for her bitchy little wants
HMM..
Time to grow up. Don't put my name in your mouth, ESPECIALLY when you have no clue about something. People should learn how to handle their business without dragging other people into it. I promise you, when you mess with girls like me.. you won't come out on top. That's a guarantee.

Cason said, "this is one of my really good friends, why would they lie?" Then, he tells me who it is. I laugh really, really, really, hard. and think to myself~ Hmmm... it's the queen of the liars, and i'm asked why she would lie? This would be the same person that told Blake that Aimee cheated on him with Jake Turner. Which= far from the truth.

I personally find people such as this amusing. Proves that their feeble little lives suck. Mine on the other hand, doesn't. and you'd think that after you leave high school, you would stop acting like a dumbass drama feening little kid. I did, but some never grow out of it.

Here's to you... the drama feening bitches~ Thanks for giving me something else to laugh about. :o) I appreciate it. Really.

~And they said I couldn't love you. But that was just a lie, I couldn't love you more if I tried.~

bring on the rain...

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 05:39:27 GMT

he called today. i'm missed and loved is what i got from the convo. Very manipulative that boy.

saw deston. ahh.. the beauty of him. lol

me= loves you. yeah, you. you probably arent the right person reading this.. but if you are.. then you know it's you.

:o) that was weird

my biology group told me i'm the most random person ever. I get that alot. I'm not random, I just say exactly what comes to mind.. all the time.

i'm sleepy and well, i need sleep.

I hope i don't 4get my sunglasses tomorrow. No more headaches for me... they suck.

~How your body still remembers things you told it to forget. How those furious affections followed you. I've got this store bought way of saying I'm okay, and you learned how to cry in total silence.~

Silly faggot.. dicks are for chicks...

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 20:01:00 GMT

HA. Don't really know where that came from but it was the first thing in my head.

So it was an alright weekend. My favorite part was fishing at the lake. :o) Made me happy, although I wasn't in a good mood at first. My toes turned purple and I thought they were gonna fall off. It was SCARY. I was the only one who didn't catch a fish. The fish would tease me with a nibble or 2 but that was about it.

So, I didn't completely give in this weekend. I talked to him. Did I SEE him? Once, but I stood my ground and was a complete bitch. Deservingly I might add. Shouldn't have wasted the time you were gonna see me with being drunk and high. That's all I have to say about that.

It's turning into a quite amusing escapade. I like being able to cuss someone out everytime I talk to em cause they suck and say stupid shit or just act like an idiot.

Sarah was right. I ignored... I got literally like 35 missed calls. HA. and I feel no pity whatsoever.

Try to feed me that "you don't care about how i feel and you are hurting my feelings" BS... cause it's exactly how you were.

I've gotten myself a headache b/c i left without sunglasses today and it was bright outside.

~with time.. the color begins to fade~

Thanks for the inconsiderate bullshit...

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 03:37:16 GMT

I decided to unprivate my entry that was recently privated b/c of the trifiling people that sit around and have discussion groups with me not there.

I don't have any fancy metaphors to describe how I feel right now. God knows, I'm queen of the metaphors... but I don't think that anything could describe how I feel.

It just really sucks.

It wears her out...

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 02:33:46 GMT

fake plastic trees. Hmm...

Layin out topless on top of the parkin deck is all fun and games until you hear footsteps and have to flip over in a hurry. It hurts your ta ta's really bad.

Been lazy today. I deserve it.

Umm.. I am going crazy. No gettin around that.

I can't make myself like this superduper nice guy for anything. He is so precious and shows me how I should be treated like the queen of the world... and I like em as a friend... but I don't think it could ever turn into anything else.

I don't like stringing people along.

Don't be mad aims.

I pretty much could care less about anything that Cason has done to me EVER simply because I love him so friggin much and I just miss him. I know that he is expecting me to come crawling back at any moment and I am seriously considering it. And that is so sad.

I hate being a stupid typical girl. But sometimes you can't stop your stupid ass heart from just doing what it wants. He said... "what are we gonna do ashley?" Was it really ever my choice what we were gonna do? Didn't think so.

I hate being strung along. and I hate being weak. and I hate wanting to take the easy way out. and i hate having to drop my pride when it's never done for me. and I hate being second best.

~Behind every bitch is a guy who made her that way~

yum... salt

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 06:11:07 GMT

It has been an awesome weekend so far. Friday, Rodney came over and we went to eat downtown and I wouldn't let him drive home being that sleepy.. so he went to sleep on the couch and I went out.

I made a whole bunch of new friends. LOL. THEY ARE GIRLS TOO...
Blew off a bunch of hot guys. Guess I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone that wasn't him.

This morning Aims, Blank and Kev came up to visit for the day and it was a very pleasant visit. I don't think that Aims realizes how much I love her. LOL.

And you know what aims... he still doesn't get me. :o|

I went downtown again tonight... didn't really have that much fun. Sarah ended up leaving because she didn't want to drink cause drinks have too many calories... but she wouldn't dance cause she wasn't drunk. I got highly annoyed by it but I stayed for a little while. Watched Mike get pissed at Timberly... and I decided to go ahead and head home.

Saw Hill, Heather and Lisa and I took Heather and Lisa home and now I'm back here.

I'm actually kinda sad. Well, I'm actually really sad. Haven't talked to Cason in like 2 days and it is literally killing me. I miss him sooo much and it sucks.

I'm pretty sure it's not phasing him in the least. :o(

I'm gonna go to sleep. I'll be stronger come the daylight.

I am sooo fucking glad...

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 19:02:50 GMT

that people are such trifiling bitches.

My last entry was very heart-felt and plain awesome... but I am glad I know I should not say how I feel so it can be showcased by YOU. Therefore... I put that one on private and since the other ones have already been put out there... I don't really give a damm. You can't help how you feel at certain times. People should grow some fucking balls and stop being such Pee-you-s-s-WHYs. Obviously, if I have an online journal I don't care who reads... but knowing that YOU open it up and are like "hey guys gather around and read what ashley wrote" just pisses me off. Hmmm... lets not have group discussions.

Friends should know certain things. Shows who your friends are i guess.

ANYHOW...

On a lighter note.. I love aimee AND... I'm going out tonight for a wild night of single girl fun :o)

no hanky panky though. I don't like random guys... I just need to not be sad for at least a night. :o)

Lol... spur of the moment.. made up quote from Me~
~~where has that light that used to shine so bright from the depths of your soul right out of your eyes into mine gone??~~